I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
