we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
