I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
