you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
