When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
