I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
