Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
is it fun? or sober?
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