I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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