Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
