Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
