the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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