i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
