I just threw up on my dentist
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
