Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize