you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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