I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
