we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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