why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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