I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
