hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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