Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
