like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
