So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
