i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
