the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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