Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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