2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize