I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
