I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
