New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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