By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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