i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
