remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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