Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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