you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
