do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
