Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
