i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
