Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
