I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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