I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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