I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
