I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Boobs are out for the taking
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
