We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize