My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Fuck appropriateness.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
