do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
