Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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