Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
