your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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