blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
