Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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