where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
