Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
