I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
