You're so nebulous sometimes
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
