I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
