my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
