so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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