I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
