I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
