I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
