Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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