I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize