Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
