god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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